I Changed.

There is something about being left completely to your own devices that makes one grow as a person.  I mean really.  If you're thrown to the wolves you either fight them off, learn to live with them, or get eaten and die.  If you're thrown into the sea you either learn to swim or you drown.  If your shoes leave a blister enough times in the same spot, then you form a callous to avoid further pain.  Vaccines are really just tiny bits of diseases, injected into us so that we can learn how to fight them off and avoid future sickliness.
We are built to adapt and survive.

And so I suppose I shouldn't be very surprised to realize that I am alone more often than I'm with people... and I don't mind anymore.  I prefer it, actually.  I get up everyday and I embrace the lonesomeness. 
But it's weird to think that now I'm the one standing in the room, making snappish comments towards the whimsical simpletons who enjoy getting under my skin just right.  I'm the one who's just too tired to go out on any spontaneous adventures.  I'm the one who wakes up and gets ready and sits through seminary, teeth gritted through the mindless contentions of the underclassmen, and then sleeps on the couch until school stars and then goes to class and listens and then eats a regular amount of regular food and then goes to more class and then rides the bus home and then finishes homework and then sits there on the computer until it's time to go to bed and repeat it all over again.  Day.  After.  Day.

It feels as if life it just a 3-D movie.  I'm watching everything and it's pretty interesting... but I just can't bring myself to care.  I am not involved.  I am no main character.
Am I even capable of caring?  I don't know.

This emotional callous of mine is just too thick.  I long for the raw, irrational, passionate emotions I used to base my every action off of.  Because even if often times I was stupid and dependent and immature and really flat out ridiculous, I genuinely cared about things.  I was involved in the lives of others and... well, at the very least I was involved in my own life! 

Some call it strength or independence. 
I'm starting to understand how overrated it is.