A First for Everything

Today I had a few firsts.

I completely opened up and talked and hung out and laughed with someone other than my best friend... it's hard to explain.  I talk and hang out with lots of people.  I adore many many people.  But I guess what made this time different was that I was fully... invested.
I tried chai (how did I go on living without the marvelous beverage?)
And I cried right in public.

All three experiences were new and exciting and left me pondering.

But, crying in public... probably the weirdest. 
If you know me then you know I am not a crier.  If you make me cry then you should be proud of yourself.  The occasional book or movie can make me cry... but it almost always has to have a dog die to get such a reaction.
If you do make me cry, chances are you'll never know. 

But today I broke down sobbing right in front of my whole choir class.
The story of how it happened is really silly and embarrassing, so I won't go into that.
But it was such a... a relief.  I've never been so fully exposed and out there.  The feeling of having my feelings and thoughts being communicated without any possible doubts, even if they were negative, was quite a rush.
It was also mortifying.

See, I wish I was more capable of crying in front of my friends.  Sometimes I want them to know the extent of the pain I'm feeling and just hold me and let me get it all out.
But crying in a room full of people superior to you is not a fun thing.

I don't plan on trying it again any time soon.