This Too Shall Pass

If we never found this love
If we never took that road
If we hadn't had the hurt
We wouldn't have this home

So I was totally pissed.  I was just about ready to break down and cry and shatter into a million pieces (figuratively).  Something happened that just totally ruined my night and turned it into the poop of Satan.  The despair I felt within was so astoundingly physical... it felt more like I got punched in the gut than something happened which was making me emotional.

I found myself turning to my blog, searching iTunes for the perfect depressing song to fit my situation that I could share with the small community within the internet which actually looks at this thing.  There had to be something in the lyrics about feeling worthless and hiding pain and perhaps even a desire to break free.

Instead, I saw a picture of her.

And in that moment I remembered that joyous news I received this morning.

I remembered how the instant her words registered within my brain this immense feeling of warmth and peace and absolute, undeniable happiness washed over me.  I remembered getting that fluttery feeling in my stomach, which only increased in intensity as the reality of the news which had just been brought to my attention really marinated.  

All over again I had those visions of what the future just might hold now.  Once again I had the urge to start crying, but this time out of joy rather than sorrow.  I wanted to cry because for some reason this news seemed to come directly from the grace of my God.  Though I am immensely happy with the situation (despite other more complicated consequences of it), now I think a great deal of the joy is because perhaps this is a gift.  

In my head I see God's train of thought going something like;

"Well, Coree's not sucking as much as usual lately... she's quitting her pointless bad habits!  Oh, good for her.  Ohhh and look, she was actually nice to her family for an entire day!  Way to go, kiddo, praying to me before you go to bed for several nights in a row.  Mmmm.... this isn't good.  If things continue on this path, once summer hits, all of these good things she's got going for herself are going to be obliterated and she's going to turn into the poop of Satan.  Well, lemme see what I can do.  If I delay some of these happenings for just a few more months, then perhaps she'll have enough time to get the roots of her newly found good habits a bit more established so that she can stand on her own two feet once sorrows start hitting her hard again.  Sounds good... decision made!"

..............

(I apologize if this is heresy.... )

Or perhaps I'm just a lucky little duck who needs to count her blessings.

Well, either way... I am once again happy--more than happy!  I am overjoyed!  Now everything in Coree-world can go back to peace and I can forget my previous plans of spending the night brooding.  Instead, I think I'll do some homework.  Perhaps I'll read a book.  Maybe I'll draw a pretty picture of my feelings.

Perhaps it's not healthy to be having such polar opposite emotions overwhelm me every couple of hours.  Perhaps things won't work out and that which has saved me tonight will become void.  Perhaps this extra time I've been given with my loved ones won't be enough.  Perhaps I'll still fall into an abyss of antisocial misery.  This is still possible.

All I know is....

THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

 No matter what happens, I've gotten through this night.  I have truly loved and received love in return.  I do my best in everything... but the rest I've just got to leave in the hands of the Lord.  However things end up, I will be fine, and I will find joy.