That Dangerous Sort of Sad

I'm sure many people would agree with me when I say that there are lots of different kinds of sad.

Well, the kind that has decided to consume my day is the dangerous kind.
It's a sort that makes my stomach feel funny.  Sort of like a flutter from an encounter with a crush or when something really exciting is about to happen... but not the same at all.  It makes me feel like there's something I should be excited for, but I know I'm not.  It makes me feel empty and upset and nervous.

With this kind I usually don't know the cause.

Most of the time it can be fixed by simply being around people I like.  Sadly, that sort of encounter isn't always available.  Some days there's not a single person on this planet I like (not sure if today is one of those days).

And so this sadness is allowed to linger.

Now I'll get to the reason why this sort of emotion is so dangerous. 

With the maddening emptiness comes the insane desire to fill it with something... anything.  These are the days where I try and experiment with things to see if they'll make me happy--they seem to work for other people, after all.  Sometimes I decide to be productive with it and go through all my possessions, getting rid of everything that I don't absolutely need.  If I've allowed myself to get wrapped up in it enough then I'll probably say some brutally honest things to my friends, though my honest opinions on these days are often far from rational.  This sadness leads to new bad habits, allowing for many more of these sorts of awful days. 

On these days

Getting dressed before noon is a rare thing
I feel like I'm being watched
everything is over analyzed
I decide I'm sick of having friends
projects get destroyed
possessions are thrown away
my nails get bitten off for the first time since I last had this sort of sadness
I count both scars and freckles
I'm more stubborn than a mule
diary pages are ripped out
habits develop
food is consumed.  all of it.
emo music is listened too
I have to do everything really fast
patience is unheard of
... no, I'm not PMSing.

This sadness has the potential to ruin many days to come.

and I don't even know why it happens