A long conversation with my Abigail helped me to suddenly understand something.
In case you didn't know, I push people away--a lot. I pick one person who I give practically my whole soul, and while I have many people whom I love and have good times with at school and maybe even trust with secrets, doing stuff after school pretty much just doesn't happen.
I have finally figured out what's going on in my head to make it this way.
The thought of people depending on me is simply terrifying.
I take the dependent role in all things, so that nobody has the chance to claim it. I cut off out of school ties so that I never have any sorts of commitment I need to freak out about.
I just don't want anyone to need me.
At first it made me sad to realize that I was the root of my lack of people to hang out with. Then I figured out that it really is much easier this way...
but is it better?
We need these convos all the time. :) Unless of course that's too dependent....*wink*. And we all know about how much you love group activities.
ReplyDeleteMmm I don't think you count in this post anymore, Abigail ;)
ReplyDeleteI think I'm going to try and start coming to common ground things. Not every single time, but when I can. I really like it.
Then we can have all sorts of fun :D